NI KWA NINI WANAWAKE WEMA HAWAOLEWI (WANABAKI SINGLE) ???? Wanawake wabaya wanaolewa kila kukicha ……….

Kitabu kilichoandikwa na Nelson Asuen kimeangazia vidokezo kadhaa dhahiri kwa swali hili muhimu.  Kitabu hiki kifupi, cha ajabu na kitamu kimekuwa zana ya kushawishi kwangu wakati wa kuandika kuhusu jambo hili muhimu.

 Mtu angeuliza wanawake wema wakoje?  Hawa ni wale ambao wamejitolea maisha yao kufuata njia za Mungu na kwa kweli wanashinda kanisani au msikitini.  Kwa msingi wa jukwaa moja wasichana hawa wanangojea eti “mwanaume sahihi “.  Sio jambo la shaka lakini ni la wasiwasi na kusikitisha.

 Halafu mwanamke mbaya ni yupi?  Kwa kweli, nathubutu kusema mwanamke mbaya ni kinyume cha mwanamke mwema.  Asiye kanisa na anayejitolea wakati wa maisha yake kutafuta furaha ya moyo wake kutoka kwa watu (hasa wanaume) na na ulimwengu kwa ujumla. Ni yule anayedanga au mwenye madanga mengi. Sasa, tofauti na yule mwema, mwanamke mbaya hajui kungoja wakati mzuri ambao mtu sahihi atakuja.

 Mtu yeyote anaweza kuwa na ufafanuzi kuhusu  wanawake wapi ni wema ama wabaya. Hata hivyo kutokana na hali ya maadili, watu wengi kutoka jamii tofauti watakuwa na maoni kidogo au sawa na ya hapo juu.  Hii inaunda msingi mzuri kuelekea jibu zuri la swali kuu.

 Password ya swali hapo juu imo katika mioyo ya wanaume.  Wanaume wanataka nini?  Ni wanaume gani wanataka kuoa mwanamke?  Je! Ni vitu vipi vya tabia ya kike vinavyomgeuza kutoka kwa nyenzo za uchumba hadi mke.  Wanaume wanavutiwa na kile macho yao yanaona.  Hata Adamu (kimsingi) alimpenda Eva kutokana na jinsi alivyoonekana-na sio uzuri wa ndani aliokuwa nao (Mwanzo 2; 22,23).  Wanaume wanapendezwa na tabia zinazoonekana kuliko usafi wa moyo ule usioonekana. Wanaume wanaamini kuwa (kijamii) hustahili heshima kuliko wanawake na uzembe wowote kwa wazo hili huleta dosari na mashaka ya kuubadilisha uchumba kuwa ndoa.

 Wanawake wema wanaamini uzuri wa ndani kuliko wa nje. Kiuhalisia hiki kinaweza kupatikana na wanaume kwa nadra sana.  Kwa sababu hiyo wanaamini kuwa wanaume sahihi watawafuata moja kwa moja na kwa hivyo kuoa (automatically).  Hii haiwezekani.  Pia wanakosa uboreshaji wa kibinafsi, yaani wamedumaa (they are socially static).  Hawapendi mada kadhaa za kike na hupenda mada za kawaida tu (biashara, siasa na kutafuta fedha).  Kufikiria kuwa kujadili mambo ya kike ni sawa na kuwa “mwanamke mbaya” ni udhaifu sana.

 Wasichana wazuri huwaita marafiki wao wa karibu wa kiume kama “yeye ni rafiki tu” au “ni kama kaka kwangu”.  Wacha tuweke chini ya kichekesho hiki na kusema kwa dhati “mwenzi mzuri mwanzoni ni rafiki mzuri”.  Rafiki mzuri wa kiume anaweza kugeuka kuwa mume mzuri.  Wanawake wabaya wanajua jinsi ya kuheshimu utu kwa kiwango kikubwa zaidi kuliko wanawake wema.  Baadhi ya wanawake wema wanafikiria wao ni wazuri sana kuheshimu wanaume na kwa upande wao wanatarajia heshima kubwa kutoka kwa wanaume kutokana na jinsi ambavyon wamejitunza. Hii inabidi iwe kawaida (it has to be naturally normal)

 Wasichana wazuri wanaamini kuna aina fulani ya mwanaume wanayemtaka.  Nelson katika kitabu chake anasema wanamtafuta mtu mwenye sura nzuri, mwenye hofu ya  Mungu, anayevaa vizuri, anayewajibika na tajiri;  mtu kama huyo ambaye ana vigezo kamili wakati wa kukutana naye ni “Yesu Kristo” tu.  Wazo hili halimaanishi kuwa kuwa na vigezo kwa mwanaume unayemhitaji ni vibaya lakini badala yake kunamaanisha kuwa na vigezo muhimu.  Mwanaume kwa asili hawezi kuwa na sifa zote ambazo mwanamke anataka mara moja.  Lakini hakika atakuwa na kadhaa.  Kwa hiyo cha msingi mwanamke mwema ni kuangalia ni vigezo vya muhimu zaidi.

 Wanawake  wabaya wanajiamini vya kutosha na wanajua sana kile wanaume wanataka na hapo wanawekeza wakati na rasilimali nyingine ili kujifanya waonekane wa kuvutia na kudumisha uhusiano wao na wanaume wao.  Huenda hii inatokana na, uelewa na uzoefu walioupata huko walikopitia.

 Je! Hii inamaanisha wanawake wema wanapaswa kuwa wanawake wabaya ili waolewe?  Jibu ni “HAPANA”.  Wanawake wema wanapaswa kuboresha tabia zao na kamwe wasisahau kuwa wao ni wanawake.  Wanapaswa kusoma vitabu, kutafuta sinema /filamu, semina za kijamii na vyanzo vingine vya maarifa ambapo kupitia hivyo wanaweza kuelewa ndoa na mambo mengine ya mahusiano na jamii.  Wasichana tanguwanapozaliwa na kukua wanapaswa kulelewa vizuri ili wasije wakawa wanawake wabaya (not to be bad girls).  Ikiwa wasichana wazuri watawala ulimwengu basi wake wazuri, akina mama wazuri na mwishowe kizazi kizuri kitakuja.

 Nelson Asuen;  Mwandishi wa kitabu ” WHY GOOD GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE”  na nimecheka na kujifunza mengi hadi kufikia uandishi na kunukuu sentensi kadhaa muhimu ili niweze kukuletea muhtasari huu muhimu.  Naweza kusema kuwa kuna mengi katika kitabu.  Nenda ukakitafuyte na kukisoma.

ENGLISH VERSION

WHY GOOD GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE????

Bad girls are getting married every now and then…………..

A book WHY GOOD GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE by Nelson Asuen has pin pointed some noticeable hints to this important question. This short, wonderful and sweet book has been a convincing tool to me when writing this important matter.

One would ask who are good girls? These are those who have dedicated their lives to pursue God’s ways and are obviously churchy. On the basis of the same platform these girls are waiting for “the good man”. It is not a matter of doubt but rather a sorrowful concern.

Then who is a bad girl? Concisely, I can dare say a bad girl is an antagonist of a good girl. Non churchy and one who dedicates her lifetime seeking the best of her heart from people (mostly men) and nature. Now, unlike the good ones, a bad girl does not know to wait for a perfect time that a right man shall come.

Any one may have a self-definition of goodness when girls and women are pointed. However from a moral aspect, many people from different societies will have a view less or more similar to the above. This creates a good basis towards the good answer to the subject matter.

The secret code for the question above is deepened inside the men’s hearts. What men want? What men want to marry a woman? What components of female character turn her from dating material to wife-material. Unequivocally speaking men are attracted by what their eyes see. Even Adam (primarily) liked Eve from how she looked-like and not the inner beauty she had (Genesis 2;22,23). Men are interested in characters which are portrayed than what is abstract. Men believe that they socially believe respect than women and any negligence to this idea poses a doubt to transform courtship to marriage.

Good girls believe in inner beauty than outer one. This feature can be accessed by very very and very rare men. Being the case they believe that good men will automatically approach and hence marry them. This is unpractical. They also lack self improvement, simply they are socially static. They abscond some feminine topics and engage in only general topics (business, politics and finances). Thinking that discussing feminine matters is becoming “a bad girl” is a critical weakness.

Good girls call their close male friends as “he is just a friend” or “he is just a like a brother to me”. Let us drop down this comedy and seriously say “a good spouse is originally a good friend”. A good male friend can turn into a good husband. Bad girls know how to respect manhood to a further extent than the counterpart. Some good girls they think they are too good to respect men and in turn they are hoping for a greater respect for their prior preservation.

Good girls believe there is a specific kind of man they are looking for. Nelson in his book says they are looking for a man who is good-looking, God-fearing, well dressed, responsible and rich; such man that has all such characters at the first point you meet him is only “Jesus Christ”. This idea never means that having standard for man is bad but rather means having realistic standards. A natural man can not have all the qualities a lady wants at once. But surely he will have some. Therefore all a lady needs is to check the most important ones.

Bad girls are confident enough and are very much aware of what men want and there fore they invest time and other resources to make themselves appear attractive and maintain their relationships with their men. This is founded on their post-exposure knowledge, understanding and several experiences they attain.

Does this mean good girls should become bad girls to get married? The answer is strongly “NO”. Good girls should improve their characters, should never forget their feminity on top of their dignity. They should read books, seek cinemas/movies, social seminars and other sources of knowledge through which they can understand marriage and other societal matters. Natural girls should be well raised not to become bad ones. If good girls dominate the world then good wives, good mothers and finally good generation will come.

Nelson Asuen; the authorof the book  “WHY GOOD GIRLS REMAIN SINGLE?” has been my instant inspiration and I have laughed and learnt a lot to the extent of writing and quoting some important sentences so that I can bring to you this important overview. I can tell that there are plenty in the book. Go read it.